Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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