his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
