If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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