She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
