I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
