A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
