I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
