Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
