I just made out with a guy for $7.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
