I have demons in me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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