No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
