No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
