So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
