Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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