Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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