Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
