Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
