Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
