what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
