.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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