I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
