We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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