I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
