She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
