Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
