I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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