i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
