You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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