then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
