They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
ttyl tear gas
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
