Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
