I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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