i was born a porn star she said
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
