i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
