Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
