Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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