Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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