one might say we're banned from that church
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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