Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
