i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize