Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
