why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
