suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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