I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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