That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
