If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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