I never want to see another naked old woman again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
