Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
