Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
