a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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