I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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