is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
