His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
