What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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