We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
