Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
