friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
