glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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