so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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