There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
