there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
