Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize