i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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