Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
