I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
