fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
