Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
