i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
