worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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