Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
