woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
