I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
