you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
