The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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